Agent P
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NewsAgent P: revaluations
8.30am, Adriatic Room: Young Thruster waltzes in, looking a prat in a pink grandpa vest and skinny jeans. I tell him to bugger off home and change back into his Thomas Pink shirt and M S chinos.
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Agent P: Ructions in Riyadh
8.00am, Titanic Room: Gloom, 40 fathoms deep. All hope for a £90m deal has just sunk like that bloody ship on the wall, along with a whale of a fee.
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Agent P: double dealing
8.00am, Homeric Room: Posh Girl shifts uneasily in her seat as Young Thruster explains the move he’s made to muscle out a one-man-and-his-dog tenant rep team from a deal.
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Agent P: Vision 2025
7:30am EST: Windsor Ballroom, Buckhead Intercontinental, Atlanta. Yay! Three days of mingling with GBH top brass at annual jamboree. Snagged a spot, thanks to Old Tom and Sporty Girl. Wham! Bam! My dynamic duo suckered a Chinese bicycle billionaire into cycling £51m into a tumbleweed resi site in
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Agent P: winds of change
8:30am, Olympic Room: Winds of change are wafting over the pond from Our Bloody American Masters in Atlanta. Looks like Posh Girl’s six months of trying to snag the global mandate to flog Trump’s Hansel and Gretel golf chalets in Scotland has been blown away.
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Agent P: new term
8.30am, Titanic Room: New term, early gloom. Ominous memo from Them Upstairs. GBH may miss Q4 EMEA targets. Bloody Brexit. Even shed market is sluggish.
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Agent P: holiday chat
8.30am, Oceanic Room: Mostly holiday chat. Geek Boy still in San Fran, Old Tom in Eastbourne. My fortnight at the Eden Roc Miami Beach Resort was amazing. Posh Girl cemented relationship with MAGA Properties guy in Tuscany. 😊
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Agent P: serviced solution
8.30am, air con knackered in GBH House. Cowering under tree in Portman Square: I begin jauntily. Can’t let Team P smell my fear. Just as well only three of the six are sprawled on the withered grass. Posh Girl is in Tuscany, Posh Boy in Bolivia and Sporty Girl sweating up some foreign hill on her
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Agent P: the shed is dead
2pm, Adriatic room: Meeting moved to 2pm to punish Old Tom. Teach him to roll back from The Guinea mid-afternoon last Friday. (Mayfair boozer. Pricey pints, even pricier £64 set menu. Place often crammed with Strutt Parker guys, drinking to forget they now work for BNP Paribas.)
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Agent P: quick maths
8.30am, Olympic room: A group mull begins on how Berkeley has upped its profits by 15% to £934m, on revenues up 0% at £2.7bn.
