All Agent P articles
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InsightAgent P: the property personnel hangover
Friday 4 August 2.45am, Surbiton: Awake with start, heart thumping, the curse of too much red wine. Stagger to ablutions. Rest forehead on wall. Wonder where it all went wrong.
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NewsAgent P: end of term
Friday 21 July, 9am, Teutonic Room: Just me and old Charlie Boy in the room. Posh Girl and Posh Boy finally got it together and are roasting at some £800-a-night all-inclusive resort in Greece.
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NewsAgent P: summertime sadness
Friday 7 July, 9am, Corinthic Room: Order of business – decide destination and hammer out details of Team P’s traditional summer jaunt, which now allows us to, er, ‘work from home’ on the first Friday in August, rather than take a day’s holiday.
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NewsAgent P: Big fish, small pond
Friday 23 June, Britannic Room, 8.30am: Gloom in the room. Valuation impasse with Little Caesar from East Sussex, aka Joe Northrop, a pike in the small pond that is the Crawley and Horsham office market.
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NewsAgent P: Awakening course
Friday 9 June. One-day Awakenings course, Tower Hotel, St Katherine Docks: I really don’t get why I’m stuck here. Ask Posh Girl. Ask Charlie Boy. Model boss, me.
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ProfessionalAgent P: ChatGPT
Friday 26 May, Titanic Room, 4.30pm: A day with GBH team leaders discussing how many grunts we can chop by replacing them with artificial intelligence.
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NewsAgent P: Bright ideas
Friday 12 May, 9am, Teutonic Room: “Anyone got a bright idea?” I ask in response to the news that one of Posh Boy’s rougher clients is looking to ‘repurpose’ a closed petrol station bought on the roaring A24 in south London – to go from BTR to… well, anything really. ...
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NewsAgent P: 'Punishment of the innocent'
Friday 28 April, 9pm Adriatic Room: Just me and Sporty Girl. GBH has reached the ‘punishment of the innocent’ stage of a calamitous project. Back in 2018, Sporty Girl acted for a pension fund on a transaction to acquire the freehold of one of several residential towers bought for steady ...
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NewsAgent P: Greenies
Friday 14 April, 6pm, Woburn Golf Club: Shooting the breeze at the 19th with key client after shooting 107 on the Dukes Course. Bloody pine trees. Time to casually mention the bad news.
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NewsAgent P: EPC
Friday 31 March, 7.30am Baltic Room: Unholy hour to be in the office. But today is ‘F’ Day. No, not eff… F-rated, as in Energy Performance Certificate clunkers. Today is the last day before it becomes unlawful to continue to let commercial property with an ‘F’ or ‘G’ rating.
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NewsAgent P: Return from MIPIM
Thursday 16th 22.00hrs: Nice Airport, International lounge, Eyes fixed on floor. Please, let no one speak, like EVER AGAIN. I’m tired and I wanna go to bed. My fellow refugees from The Bunker feel the same, judging by their hangdog expressions. We’ve all had our fill of small talk and ...
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NewsAgent P: Mipim incoming
Friday 3 March, 9am, Olympic Room. Posh Boy is sulking. I’ve told him he will not be jollying off to Mipim this year.
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NewsAgent P: Job hunt
Friday 17 February, 3.45pm, Hawksmoor restaurant, Basinghall Street EC2: My BBF (best banker friend) Marcus rang yesterday, offering a Friday blow-out – his shout. Hell, yes!
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ProfessionalAgent P: Buy and sell
Friday 3 February, Adriatic Room, 9am: Posh Girl complains of unwanted attention in a ‘Spoons during a showing of a sticky-floored former bank.
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NewsAgent P: PropSki
Friday 20 January, 10pm, Fahrenheit 7 hotel, Val Thorens, Savoi, France: Young Thruster and I have checked in a day early for real estate networking event PropSki. Last year we bonded on the coach from the airport with a gang from Savills. Mistake
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NewsAgent P: softly, softly
Friday 16 December, 11am: Only lonely creeps in the office today. I tell Team P over Zoom that GBH has snagged a mandate to make soft bids for assets being unloaded by funds to meet redemption requests.
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NewsAgent P: Christmas lunch
Friday 2 December 11am, Oceanic Room: Extra-early Christmas lunch for Team P today. Getting in ahead of the Winter of Discontent strikes. We’ve had a good year: at least until Black Friday, 23 September, the day of that sodding mini-Budget.
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NewsAgent P: brainstorm time
Friday 18 November, 8am, Titanic Room: In early. Daunting day. I’ve got a super-secret offsite brainstorm in an hour.
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NewsAgent P: Team P
Friday 4 November, 8.30am, Baltic Room: We eye each other, warily, thinking “who’s next?”.
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ProfessionalAgent P: Spreadsheets
Friday 21 October, 9am, Titanic Room: A white-faced Sporty Girl slides copies of a development appraisal for 60 flats in north London around the table. The spreadsheet, for a Beirut-based client of GBH, shows a GDV of £32m, including the usual 20% developer margin.
