All Agent P articles

  • Agent P written in calculator style white text on a red background. A cartoon man in a black suit and red tie is stood on the right of image. He has no facial features but is wearing sunglasses
    News

    Agent P: Awakening course

    2023-06-07T00:00:00Z

    Friday 9 June. One-day Awakenings course, Tower Hotel, St Katherine Docks: I really don’t get why I’m stuck here. Ask Posh Girl. Ask Charlie Boy. Model boss, me. 

  • Agent P written in calculator style white text on a red background. A cartoon man in a black suit and red tie is stood on the right of image. He has no facial features but is wearing sunglasses
    Professional

    Agent P: ChatGPT

    2023-05-24T00:00:00Z

    Friday 26 May, Titanic Room, 4.30pm: A day with GBH team leaders discussing how many grunts we can chop by replacing them with artificial intelligence.

  • Agent P written in calculator style white text on a red background. A cartoon man in a black suit and red tie is stood on the right of image. He has no facial features but is wearing sunglasses
    News

    Agent P: Bright ideas

    2023-05-11T00:00:00Z

    Friday 12 May, 9am, Teutonic Room: “Anyone got a bright idea?” I ask in response to the news that one of Posh Boy’s rougher clients is looking to ‘repurpose’ a closed petrol station bought on the roaring A24 in south London – to go from BTR to… well, anything really. ...

  • Agent P written in calculator style white text on a red background. A cartoon man in a black suit and red tie is stood on the right of image. He has no facial features but is wearing sunglasses
    News

    Agent P: 'Punishment of the innocent'

    2023-04-27T00:00:00Z

    Friday 28 April, 9pm Adriatic Room: Just me and Sporty Girl. GBH has reached the ‘punishment of the innocent’ stage of a calamitous project. Back in 2018, Sporty Girl acted for a pension fund on a transaction to acquire the freehold of one of several residential towers bought for steady ...

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    News

    Agent P: Greenies

    2023-04-13T00:00:00Z

    Friday 14 April, 6pm, Woburn Golf Club: Shooting the breeze at the 19th with key client after shooting 107 on the Dukes Course. Bloody pine trees. Time to casually mention the bad news. 

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    News

    Agent P: EPC

    2023-03-31T00:00:00Z

    Friday 31 March, 7.30am Baltic Room: Unholy hour to be in the office. But today is ‘F’ Day. No, not eff… F-rated, as in Energy Performance Certificate clunkers. Today is the last day before it becomes unlawful to continue to let commercial property with an ‘F’ or ‘G’ rating.

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    News

    Agent P: Return from MIPIM

    2023-03-16T00:00:00Z

    Thursday 16th 22.00hrs: Nice Airport, International lounge, Eyes fixed on floor. Please, let no one speak, like EVER AGAIN. I’m tired and I wanna go to bed. My fellow refugees from The Bunker feel the same, judging by their hangdog expressions. We’ve all had our fill of small talk and ...

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    News

    Agent P: Mipim incoming

    2023-03-02T00:00:00Z

    Friday 3 March, 9am, Olympic Room. Posh Boy is sulking. I’ve told him he will not be jollying off to Mipim this year. 

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    News

    Agent P: Job hunt

    2023-02-15T00:00:00Z

    Friday 17 February, 3.45pm, Hawksmoor restaurant, Basinghall Street EC2: My BBF (best banker friend) Marcus rang yesterday, offering a Friday blow-out – his shout. Hell, yes!

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    Professional

    Agent P: Buy and sell

    2023-02-02T00:00:00Z

    Friday 3 February, Adriatic Room, 9am: Posh Girl complains of unwanted attention in a ‘Spoons during a showing of a sticky-floored former bank. 

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    News

    Agent P: PropSki

    2023-01-19T00:00:00Z

    Friday 20 January, 10pm, Fahrenheit 7 hotel, Val Thorens, Savoi, France: Young Thruster and I have checked in a day early for real estate networking event PropSki. Last year we bonded on the coach from the airport with a gang from Savills. Mistake

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    News

    Agent P: softly, softly

    2022-12-15T00:00:00Z

    Friday 16 December, 11am: Only lonely creeps in the office today. I tell Team P over Zoom that GBH has snagged a mandate to make soft bids for assets being unloaded by funds to meet redemption requests.

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    News

    Agent P: Christmas lunch

    2022-12-01T00:00:00Z

    Friday 2 December 11am, Oceanic Room: Extra-early Christmas lunch for Team P today. Getting in ahead of the Winter of Discontent strikes. We’ve had a good year: at least until Black Friday, 23 September, the day of that sodding mini-Budget.

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    News

    Agent P: brainstorm time

    2022-11-17T00:00:00Z

    Friday 18 November, 8am, Titanic Room: In early. Daunting day. I’ve got a super-secret offsite brainstorm in an hour. 

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    News

    Agent P: Team P

    2022-11-03T00:00:00Z

    Friday 4 November, 8.30am, Baltic Room: We eye each other, warily, thinking “who’s next?”. 

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    Professional

    Agent P: Spreadsheets

    2022-10-20T00:00:00Z

    Friday 21 October, 9am, Titanic Room: A white-faced Sporty Girl slides copies of a development appraisal for 60 flats in north London around the table. The spreadsheet, for a Beirut-based client of GBH, shows a GDV of £32m, including the usual 20% developer margin. 

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    Professional

    Agent P: economic crisis

    2022-10-06T00:00:00Z

    Friday 7 October, 8.15am, Teutonic Room: Full house this morning! Not only are all of Team P present and correct, I’ve not seen so many folks in the office on a Friday since the GBH Christmas party in December 2019, when Those Upstairs paraded the floors in silly Santa jumpers ...

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    Professional

    Agent P: EPC

    2022-09-22T00:00:00Z

    Friday 23 September, 9am, Britannic Room. Never mind that deal that collapsed on Tuesday when the client discovered it would cost £3m to upgrade a £15m office block in Reigate from ‘D’ to ‘B’. We’d said the clunker might cost £1m to get a ‘B’-grade Energy Performance Certificate. A GBH ...

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    News

    Agent P: the fear card

    2022-09-08T00:00:00Z

    Friday 9 September, 10am, Team P Zoomie-meet! Barred from the office today! Can you believe it? Threatened with P45s in July, unless we entered GBH Towers four days a week come September.

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    Professional

    Agent P: school holidays

    2022-08-25T00:00:00Z

    Friday 26 August, 9am, Titanic room: GBH Towers 20% full at best. Fred on the door says the missing are mostly staff with kids, facing a weekend of airport hell tracking back from the Costa Brava or Corsica at the fag-end of the school hols. “Serves ‘em right,” he chuckles. ...