All Agent P articles

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: payday

    2022-05-19T00:00:00Z

    Friday 20 May 8.30am, Teutonic Room: Managed to get a full house this week using the carrot of going for lunch and not coming back. Wagamama in Holborn, not the Punchbowl in Mayfair. I saw no need to mention the venue. The days of scoffing the £50 set menu and ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: the Otherside

    2022-05-05T00:00:00Z

    Friday 6 May, 8.30am, Baltic Room: Easier to herd cats than physically gather Team P on a Friday these days. Young Thruster and Geek Boy are in the room, the other shirkers on Zoom.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: back in the building

    2022-04-21T00:00:00Z

    Friday 22nd April, 10am. Eighth-floor boardroom: Section heads meeting. Spittle begins to fly from Mike’s mouth as our esteemed UK boss gathers stride in what began as rant against this year’s intake of “work-shy, entitled, insolent graduates”, before metastasising into blast against what he calls the “Home Eff Work shenanigans”.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: caught in the middle

    2022-04-07T00:00:00Z

    Friday 8th April, Corinthic Room, 9.30am: “Enough! Enough!” I bellow at Charlie Boy, who was spitting far more than feathers at Posh Girl. Charlie is ex-army, ex-Savills, all Force Nine charm with a laugh like an ack-ack gun. Ageing, but with his contacts, still a deadly deal-getter.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Operation Winston

    2022-03-24T00:00:00Z

    Friday 25th March, Titanic Room. 8.00am: Team talk! Feels good sharing a room again with my five campaneros. I feel they deserve a briefing on the secret work I have been doing as part of Operation Winston, namely a history review of Russian client files in case we turned the ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Operation Purify

    2022-03-10T00:00:00Z

    Friday 11 March: Hunkered in GBH bunker, aiding Operation Purify. Mipim? Not going now, don’t care! I’m chalking up house points as a member of Operation Purify, trusted employees scouring The Stain of Putin from GBH.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: A Russian visitor

    2022-02-24T00:00:00Z

    Friday 25 February, noon: Utilitarian hotel room, Heathrow. My one Russian client has flown in from Cyprus. Kirill is no oligarch. I bought him a modest multi-let industrial estate in Lewisham 10 years ago for £6m – at a juicy 11% yield. Credit Suisse vouched for him.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Mother of God

    2022-02-10T00:00:00Z

    Friday 11 February, 8.30am Britannic Room: Charlie Boy is on resignation alert. The only client he lured over from Savills when he joined GBH in 2020 was last week lured by Knight Frank to a big breakfast presentation at the nouveau Nobu Hotel, a spangled spot off Portman Square with ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Dad doo doo

    2022-01-27T00:00:00Z

    Friday 28th January, 8.30am, Titanic Room: Young Thruster pleads for ideas. His dad is in debt doo doo. 

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Baltic Room

    2022-01-13T00:00:00Z

    Friday 14 January, 8.30am, Baltic Room: a zinger of an idea to kick off 2022. GBH’s tack-sharp fund originators have figured a way to make a bundle from Grenfell-blighted blocks, now Gove is promising to pay to replace cladding.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: WFH...again

    2021-12-16T00:00:00Z

    Friday 17th November, 10am. In bed, bad head: Sigh… Truth to tell, being told on Monday to work from home was a bit of a relief. Managed to get the Christmas shopping done yesterday and meet a few mates for a happy afternoon (and evening) in the pub.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: sign of the times

    2021-12-02T00:00:00Z

    Friday 3 December 11.25am: Attlee Room (redacted) City Council offices. You’d think the £620 our client, Josh Bang, paid upfront for pre-app meeting would have bought us more than filthy coffee and a brusque brush-off from the deputy chief planner.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: greenwashing

    2021-11-18T00:00:00Z

    Friday 19 November, 8.45am, Teutonic Room: “Cop this!” snorts Charlie Boy, staring down at his phone, interrupting my half-hearted explanation of why GBH now wants staff to define their personal pronouns.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: down the drain

    2021-11-05T00:00:00Z

    Friday 5 November, 8.30am. Oceanic room: Bad news to impart. About 80% of Team P’s 2021 bonus pool has just swirled down the drain. A BTR purchase of 115 flats in Hull has been nixed after five months of patient pushing by Charlie Boy and Posh Girl.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: that sinking feeling

    2021-10-22T00:00:00Z

    Friday 22 Oct, Noon, Titanic Room: UK leasing team leaders meeting. Fifteen or so of us gather warily once a quarter. The barely hidden agenda consists of dissing rivals, boasting of our successes, excusing failures and general point-scoring with GBH’s head of leasing, normally chummy Brian.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: old Tom

    2021-10-07T00:00:00Z

    Sunday 3 October, 7-ish. At home: Half-watching some woke nonsense on Countryfile when the boss rings. “Meeting, Corinthic Room, 7.30am tomorrow.” OMG! Has Sporty Girl dobbed me in over that bit of harmless banter last week? Is this the chop? Sleepless night follows.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: pay our own RICS fees? not likely

    2021-09-23T00:00:00Z

    Friday 24 September 9.30am, Baltic Room: “Pay our own RICS fees? I don’t think so!” snorts Charlie Boy, the only member of Team P who’s a FRICS, which cost GBH £658 this year because the firm always pay your fees, don’t they? It’s like a rule, isn’t it?

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: back to school

    2021-09-09T00:00:00Z

    Friday 10 September 8.30am, Britannic Room: What a week! School’s-back atmosphere. Team P all present and correct at GBH House since Tuesday. Today’s official agenda handed down from the Eighth Floor. Tell us in 500 words and on one Excel sheet how your tiny shard of GBH is going to ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: wallbanger

    2021-08-27T00:00:00Z

    Friday 27 August, noon: All-Zoom meeting. Dispensation to not attend in person reluctantly given yesterday.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: pinged

    2021-08-06T00:00:00Z

    Friday 6 August. Pinged! Fuming at home: I blame Charlie Boy, who wriggled his wrist in that ‘beer, anyone?’ way last Friday lunchtime. The Guinea was rammed. Team P ended up in the Punchbowl on Farm Street, where Strutt & Parker refugees from French rule still gather.