All Agent P articles

  • Agent P
    Professional

    Agent P: Buy and sell

    2023-02-02T00:00:00Z

    Friday 3 February, Adriatic Room, 9am: Posh Girl complains of unwanted attention in a ‘Spoons during a showing of a sticky-floored former bank. 

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: PropSki

    2023-01-19T00:00:00Z

    Friday 20 January, 10pm, Fahrenheit 7 hotel, Val Thorens, Savoi, France: Young Thruster and I have checked in a day early for real estate networking event PropSki. Last year we bonded on the coach from the airport with a gang from Savills. Mistake

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: softly, softly

    2022-12-15T00:00:00Z

    Friday 16 December, 11am: Only lonely creeps in the office today. I tell Team P over Zoom that GBH has snagged a mandate to make soft bids for assets being unloaded by funds to meet redemption requests.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Christmas lunch

    2022-12-01T00:00:00Z

    Friday 2 December 11am, Oceanic Room: Extra-early Christmas lunch for Team P today. Getting in ahead of the Winter of Discontent strikes. We’ve had a good year: at least until Black Friday, 23 September, the day of that sodding mini-Budget.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: brainstorm time

    2022-11-17T00:00:00Z

    Friday 18 November, 8am, Titanic Room: In early. Daunting day. I’ve got a super-secret offsite brainstorm in an hour. 

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: Team P

    2022-11-03T00:00:00Z

    Friday 4 November, 8.30am, Baltic Room: We eye each other, warily, thinking “who’s next?”. 

  • Agent P
    Professional

    Agent P: Spreadsheets

    2022-10-20T00:00:00Z

    Friday 21 October, 9am, Titanic Room: A white-faced Sporty Girl slides copies of a development appraisal for 60 flats in north London around the table. The spreadsheet, for a Beirut-based client of GBH, shows a GDV of £32m, including the usual 20% developer margin. 

  • Agent P
    Professional

    Agent P: economic crisis

    2022-10-06T00:00:00Z

    Friday 7 October, 8.15am, Teutonic Room: Full house this morning! Not only are all of Team P present and correct, I’ve not seen so many folks in the office on a Friday since the GBH Christmas party in December 2019, when Those Upstairs paraded the floors in silly Santa jumpers ...

  • Agent P
    Professional

    Agent P: EPC

    2022-09-22T00:00:00Z

    Friday 23 September, 9am, Britannic Room. Never mind that deal that collapsed on Tuesday when the client discovered it would cost £3m to upgrade a £15m office block in Reigate from ‘D’ to ‘B’. We’d said the clunker might cost £1m to get a ‘B’-grade Energy Performance Certificate. A GBH ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: the fear card

    2022-09-08T00:00:00Z

    Friday 9 September, 10am, Team P Zoomie-meet! Barred from the office today! Can you believe it? Threatened with P45s in July, unless we entered GBH Towers four days a week come September.

  • Agent P
    Professional

    Agent P: school holidays

    2022-08-25T00:00:00Z

    Friday 26 August, 9am, Titanic room: GBH Towers 20% full at best. Fred on the door says the missing are mostly staff with kids, facing a weekend of airport hell tracking back from the Costa Brava or Corsica at the fag-end of the school hols. “Serves ‘em right,” he chuckles. ...

  • Agent P
    Online

    Agent P: border crossing

    2022-07-28T00:00:00Z

    Friday 29 July, 3pm, Baltic Room: Posh Girl and Charlie Boy finally return from Dover, three hours late for the Team P meeting to discuss the value of a brand-new shed paid for by the taxpayer, but no longer needed. 

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: the Boris of property

    2022-07-13T09:10:00Z

    Friday 15th July, 9.30am, Teutonic room: Groan. Charlie Boy does like to brag of his political connections. In his element this week, of course. Forty years on from Harrow, a few of his cleverer classmates are MPs. “Gove dared not run for PM for reasons I simply cannot disclose,” he ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: don't panic?!

    2022-06-30T00:00:00Z

    Friday 1 July, 8am, eighth-floor boardroom: Ungodly hour, but the gods of GBH are over from Atlanta. Team leaders have been summoned from their beds. Weird wearing a suit and tie again. Our American masters are a conservative lot. Noah, Wyatt and Logan are dressed like evangelist preachers.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: meeting

    2022-06-15T23:00:00Z

    Friday 17 June 8.30am, Baltic Room: Managed to drag entire team into office on a Friday. Result! Done by promising them details of a new instruction, the like of which no one has ever had before. 

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: jubilation

    2022-06-01T00:00:00Z

    Friday 3 June 10.30am: Still under duvet. Bored. Is there anything worse than a street party? I don’t even live in a damn street. Yet a bunch of lonely losers from the lower floors are attempting to assemble a gazebo in the car park fronting our block.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: payday

    2022-05-19T00:00:00Z

    Friday 20 May 8.30am, Teutonic Room: Managed to get a full house this week using the carrot of going for lunch and not coming back. Wagamama in Holborn, not the Punchbowl in Mayfair. I saw no need to mention the venue. The days of scoffing the £50 set menu and ...

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: the Otherside

    2022-05-05T00:00:00Z

    Friday 6 May, 8.30am, Baltic Room: Easier to herd cats than physically gather Team P on a Friday these days. Young Thruster and Geek Boy are in the room, the other shirkers on Zoom.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: back in the building

    2022-04-21T00:00:00Z

    Friday 22nd April, 10am. Eighth-floor boardroom: Section heads meeting. Spittle begins to fly from Mike’s mouth as our esteemed UK boss gathers stride in what began as rant against this year’s intake of “work-shy, entitled, insolent graduates”, before metastasising into blast against what he calls the “Home Eff Work shenanigans”.

  • Agent P
    News

    Agent P: caught in the middle

    2022-04-07T00:00:00Z

    Friday 8th April, Corinthic Room, 9.30am: “Enough! Enough!” I bellow at Charlie Boy, who was spitting far more than feathers at Posh Girl. Charlie is ex-army, ex-Savills, all Force Nine charm with a laugh like an ack-ack gun. Ageing, but with his contacts, still a deadly deal-getter.