All Agent P articles
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NewsAgent P: When will it end?
3.40pm, 27 March: day 14 of self-isolation. Late afternoons are the worst. Too early for a beer, too late for a snooze.
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Agent P: Self-isolating
9:45am, 13 March: Self-isolating. Weird things are happening. Stopped scrolling through the phone on Tuesday, after seven days of being stuck at home.
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Agent P: ticket to Mipim
28 February, 9:30am, Baltic Room: Things picking up, jolly meeting, until now. Geek Boy pipes up that he’s going to Mipim. “Really?” I say, straining to sound unconcerned. Yesterday the Eighth Floor told me I wasn’t getting a berth after 17 consecutive years. “GBH’s EMEA CDO has got me a ...
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Agent P: Olympic room
14 February, 8:30am, Olympic Room : All I did was josh Posh Girl about her short skirt, asking if she had a hot date tonight. I may have winked, but it was a friendly wink.
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Agent P: Baltic Room
8.30 am, 17 January, Baltic Room: Redacted client attitude survey towards GBH and our competitors lies smouldering on the table. An annual anal examination costing £50k!
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Agent P: Where is everyone?
20 December, 10:30am. Alone, at hot-desk: I mean, come on! Where is everyone? After half an hour waiting for the rest of Team P in the Titanic Room I give up.
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Agent P: Baltic Room
8.30am, 6 December, Baltic Room: Young Thruster has been tasked with finding out why the hell LondonMetric would want to splash £14.5m on 18 roadside car wash sites. Gangs of Albanians in pub car parks are cheaper and better, surely?
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Agent P: Teutonic Room
8.30am, 22 November, Teutonic Room: Geek Boy brings bad tidings. He’s been operating undercover for the last six months. Well, shambling along in his scruffy threads to saloon bar meetings of local malcontents, protesting against our client’s plans to ease London’s housing crisis by adding 750 flats in two 45-storey ...
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Agent P: The Savoy
8:30pm, 11 October, Gondoliers Room, The Savoy: This is the life! GBH’s best Asian client has gathered the development team that managed to jam an extra 1,400 homes on brownfield land just inside the M25, bought five years ago with outline permission for 5,000 units, for a no-expense-spared dinner.
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Agent P: sardine space
8:30am, 26 July, Corinthic Room : Mutterings about moving to second floor persist. But I do feel we six seem to be managing well with four desks.
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Agent P: crowd-funder suckers
14 June, Adriatic Room, 8am : Geek Boy is in the doghouse. Big time.
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Agent P: roundtable revelations
17 May, Corinthic Room: I feel Team P deserve to hear what their seniors are thinking.
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Agent P: gender imbalance
What a turn-up! I’m sat at the big round table on the eighth floor of Henry House: 700 worker bees beneath, ours to command! Say hello to the newest member of the eight-strong UK board.
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Agent P: woke woes
9.30am, 18 April, Homeric Room: Agent P, alone, bangs head on table, repeats, confides to empty room: “I’ve had it with this diversity twaddle!”
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Agent P: valuation day
8.30am, 5 April, Adriatic Room: Young Thruster has the air of a crestfallen cockerel.
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Agent P: Mipim days
8 March, Skype call to team from rat-hole flat in Nice: “Hello? Hell-bloody-lo! Where are you all?”
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Agent P: opposite numbers
21 February, The Punchbowl private dining room, Mayfair : Joy suddenly confined.
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Agent P: rental reviews
8.00am, Corinthic room: Old Tom is back from an awkward meeting with his raffish client Clive who owns three retail parks, two containing Carpetright stores.
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Agent P: new year returns
Homeric Room, 8:45am : Geek Boy is back from San Fran, full of the joys of proptech. Promising interest from GBH, he met as many start-ups as possible. The bearded idiot has been gabbing for 45 minutes on how we’ll be apped out of existence, replaced by robots, drones and ...
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Agent P: fake news?
8:00am, Teutonic Room : My best PR idea ever was yesterday squashed by Them Upstairs. Am I hacked off? Damn right I am
