Agent P
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NewsAgent P: new term
8.30am, Titanic Room: New term, early gloom. Ominous memo from Them Upstairs. GBH may miss Q4 EMEA targets. Bloody Brexit. Even shed market is sluggish.
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NewsAgent P: holiday chat
8.30am, Oceanic Room: Mostly holiday chat. Geek Boy still in San Fran, Old Tom in Eastbourne. My fortnight at the Eden Roc Miami Beach Resort was amazing. Posh Girl cemented relationship with MAGA Properties guy in Tuscany. 😊
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NewsAgent P: serviced solution
8.30am, air con knackered in GBH House. Cowering under tree in Portman Square: I begin jauntily. Can’t let Team P smell my fear. Just as well only three of the six are sprawled on the withered grass. Posh Girl is in Tuscany, Posh Boy in Bolivia and Sporty Girl sweating up some foreign hill on her
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NewsAgent P: the shed is dead
2pm, Adriatic room: Meeting moved to 2pm to punish Old Tom. Teach him to roll back from The Guinea mid-afternoon last Friday. (Mayfair boozer. Pricey pints, even pricier £64 set menu. Place often crammed with Strutt Parker guys, drinking to forget they now work for BNP Paribas.)
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NewsAgent P: quick maths
8.30am, Olympic room: A group mull begins on how Berkeley has upped its profits by 15% to £934m, on revenues up 0% at £2.7bn.
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NewsAgent P: retail details
8:00 Homeric Room: Secret pre-meeting of grown-ups with Cautious Clive, GBH’s in-house pedant and UK head of valuation.
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NewsAgent P: Green Machine
8:47am, Corinthic Room: The whiff of spliff off Geek Boy as he sashays in late triggers a thought. I stop parroting instructions from Them Upstairs to really go for CBRE’s valuation clients.
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NewsAgent P: embracing the future
8:45am, Titanic Room: Geek Boy slopes in 15 minutes late, skeletal in his usual mucky T-shirt. He starts on. I stop him, annoyed. “No! I’m not taking your loony plan to Them Upstairs.”
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NewsAgent P: landing a whale
8:30am, Oceanic Room: Respect to Young Thruster. He’s landed a whale of a deal, a surprise. His dad was a spiv. Made a pile building up a chain of exhaust centres. We made his second pile selling them.
