Friday 27 August, noon: All-Zoom meeting. Dispensation to not attend in person reluctantly given yesterday.

Agent P

Geek Boy introduces Harvey from Bananas AI, a toothy Harvard-type from LA. Our leaders have just put $45m into Bananas, whose founders have gulled GBH into believing their AI software can outguess a human investment agent.

We’re copycatting JLL, as ever. They have bought up four black-shirted geeks and their Israeli company Skyline AI. My man at Jones Lang says the deal has gone down like lemonade at a shed agents shindig. Ditto. That’s why Harvey (dubbed ‘the Wall-Banger’) is doing the rounds, trying to convince GBH teams that Bananas AI is the dog’s testicles.

Geek Boy has already been indoctrinated. “It really works. The software predicts what you should buy, what you should sell and where.” Wall-Banger then launches into his 20-minute spiel.

It slowly dawns that a couple of GBH’s number-crunchers in research might lose their jobs to a 2021 version of HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. But not us on-the-ground agents. Oh no! We silently conclude AI is just the latest must-have fad.

Harvey bangs on. My mind drifts, wondering what to do on Bank Holiday Monday. Pub, I think.