Friday 9 June. One-day Awakenings course, Tower Hotel, St Katherine Docks: I really don’t get why I’m stuck here. Ask Posh Girl. Ask Charlie Boy. Model boss, me. 

Agent P written in calculator style white text on a red background. A cartoon man in a black suit and red tie is stood on the right of image. He has no facial features but is wearing sunglasses

OK, Geek Boy gets the odd ribbing. Yes, it can get a bit barbed at the Punchbowl in Farm Street by the time Posh Boy, Young Thruster and Sporty Girl have downed their third pints on our Thursday night drink-ups. So what? Mayfair pubs and the pavements outside are packed with agents gossiping, boasting, flirting and slagging off their bosses. Guilty? Moi? Oui! No harm done. We’re Team P! Work hard, play hard, comrades together!

Yet, here I am confined in this tourist trap with a dozen other GBH team leaders, being instructed to show more empathy, sensitivity and understanding by Madam Merciless, as we call our stone-faced head of HR and chief executioner.

“Clients see GBH as an effective but callous deal machine playing no more than lip service to EDI. We score lower than rivals on equality and diversity. As for inclusion – do you know why you are here? Exit interviews show you lot up as insensitive brutes.” My maxim is never let the bastards above and cry-babies below know they are getting you down. Even so, I damn near blubbed. So unfair.