8.30am, Titanic Room: New term, early gloom. Ominous memo from Them Upstairs. GBH may miss Q4 EMEA targets. Bloody Brexit. Even shed market is sluggish.

Agent P

Bonus alert! Team P needs to rev up. Or ’07-plate Audi TT may have to run one more year. I press Sporty Girl. “Come on! What’s the latest from Dullsville?”

GBH is on for a £1m success fee if we can persuade a bunch of dummkopf Dorset councillors to grant a change of use on a 25-acre medical campus on A31, north of Bournemouth. Farmer Tony (named Swiss Tony in honour of his Geneva backers) knew the way to turn his fields into gold was to float a vision of a ‘centre of medical excellence’ in front of the rheumy eyes of ageing county councillors. That was in 2011.

Today a half-empty private hospital sits on two acres. Cows munch the rest. We’ve been working up office park plans since 2016. “It’s in the balance,” says Sporty Girl. “Vote for change of use is next week. One snag. The swing-vote councillor is threatening to swing the wrong way.”

I switch to ‘Raging Boss’ mode. “Bring me solutions, not problems!” Sporty Girl jumps. “A trip to meet our Swiss friends in Geneva including a fortnight in the Ritz-Carlton?” “Make it happen,” I snap. So much hanging on so little! In my case a pre-ordered Audi TTS Coupe with Nappa leather seats in moccasin brown. The 2019 model can do 0-62mph in 4.5 seconds, promised the salesman, who looked a bit like… oh, Gawd.