Friday 8 January, still holed up at home: Year-end appraisals cancelled, yippee! No wary bonus chat with Gruppenführer Geoff. No weary chats with Team P. They always whine about pay! Even the Eighth Floor can see conducting appraisals remotely is as useless as dating on Zoom.

Agent P

Replacement activity has come in an order to update the semi-useless CRM system few at GBH bother to use. Cue on-screen groans from Team P. “I know! I know! The client relationship software is more for commercial travellers than commercial agents. Look, just stick in a few stray facts: still with same outfit? Same job? Any more kids?”

Blow that: I feel it more personally productive to sieve through the New Year’s Honours to see if any of my clients have got gongs. Plan is to write a suck- up note, suggesting a glass When This is All Over. Four hours of wasted time! Property is clearly seen as a dishonourable trade. Couldn’t find a single name I knew on the list. Not even deep among the British Empire Medals.

What did I find? Medals for ‘services to dance’. What is that all about? ‘Services to hairdressing’. ‘Services to table tennis’. Spare me! But not from Paul Venners of Worksop, who got an OBE for ‘services to hospital mortuaries’. Respect.