Friday 6 May, 8.30am, Baltic Room: Easier to herd cats than physically gather Team P on a Friday these days. Young Thruster and Geek Boy are in the room, the other shirkers on Zoom.

Agent P

Excuses? Friday’s are turning into client play dates. Charlie Boy has 18 holes at Woburn – with client. Posh Girl? Lunch in Chipping Camden – with client. Sporty Girl? Charity bike ride – with client. “Off you go,” I hiss, killing Zoom.

Right, let’s get down with the young guys. “Wassup!” I cry, startling Young Thruster. “Well… not a lot really.” He’s right. Another four-day week in a stretch of bank holidays leading up to the Platinum Jubilee weekend in early June. When will we EVER get going.

Geek Boy pipes up: “Actually, I’ve just spend 305 ApeCoin on deeds for land in the Metaverse.” Eh? “I’ve bought an NFT plot on Otherside.” What? “Don’t worry, The Bored Ape Yacht Club are restricting sales to 55,000 plots.”

The only thing that sinks in after a 20-minute explanation is that he has thrown $6,000 of real money into the metaverse for the privilege of lording it over a block of virtual space on Otherside, one of those computer games that give geeks dark rings under their eyes. “You do realise that, unlike real land, they can make more of this stuff,” I say in despair.