Friday 3 March, 9am, Olympic Room. Posh Boy is sulking. I’ve told him he will not be jollying off to Mipim this year. 

Agent P

His job? Stay here and finalise a presentation for Capannone, a Neapolitan client of GBH, that seems convinced it can plonk flats on top of the rapidly devaluing outer London sheds we acquired for them in 2020/21.

Mr Big is nursing a £15m book loss and is coming mob-handed to London on Friday 17th, straight from Cannes. I’ve got the Mipim ticket because it was me who landed Capannone back in March 2019 over a gaspingly expensive dinner at Auberge, halfway up the Rue Saint-Antoine.

My Mission: a repeat date – this time to sniff out Mr Big’s line of attack and get Posh Boy to build up our defences in the presentation.

Charlie Boy looks up: “Tell him, gently, who would want to buy a flat on top of a shed? Tell him no borough planning authority will say yes, not even Enfield. Tell him, no, there is no way we can ‘persuade’ planners to say yes.”

Posh Girl looks up from her phone: “Look here, planning consultant Turley has just produced a ‘beds on sheds’ report saying 30,000 new homes could be built on top of sheds in London.”

Posh Boy puts his head in his hands. Me? I’m TOAST!